


How Stupid Could I Be

by MikoAkako



Series: We're making this up as we go [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-07 04:48:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikoAkako/pseuds/MikoAkako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt confronts Sebastian after Blaine admits to cheating. The only problem is, Kurt doesn't know who hurt him more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
> Spoilers: I think through 'Michael.' Definitely not past that.
> 
> A/N: This was originally a one shot but it has been expanded. I'll be updating rather frequently especially at first.

Kurt wasn't even sitting before he started searching the crowd for the irritating grin he had come to know and hate in the past few months. It had become part of their routine; Kurt and Blaine would go to the Lima Bean for their Saturday afternoon date and Sebastian would be there within five minutes. Sebastian would then proceed to make pointedly sexual comments at Blaine while Blaine halfassedly defended their relationship until he decided he needed to refill his still half-full coffee. Then Sebastian would turn to Kurt and the real fun would begin.

Kurt loved the verbal sparring with Sebastian. It excited him to be able to give as good as he got, but to know that he didn't need to use a mirror to look around corners or keep someone with him at all times for fear of getting the shit beat out of him when he wasn't paying attention. Except recently their exchanges had started to take on a slightly different – almost sexual – tone. Kurt felt his heart speed when Sebastian narrowed his eyes, flicking them down for the briefest of seconds and then licking his lips. And he saw Sebastian's adam's apple bob when Kurt would lean forward to make a point.

It should have been a clue that something was wrong when Sebastian was nowhere to be seen even after fifteen minutes. And even if that didn't set off alarms in Kurt's head, the fact that Blaine was rambling on about a performance they'd done in school that week as if he forgot Kurt was there, and the tight grip Blaine kept on his cup without once raising it to his lips definitely should have been a sign. Even so, when Blaine said what he had been building up to, Kurt was still so shocked he didn't trust his ears. "What did you say?"

"Sebastian and I…we had sex. Last night. It was terrible, Kurt. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Please. Let me make it up to you. I'll do anything." Blaine didn't stop talking, but after the first sentence, Kurt felt himself go numb. It was like his brain wouldn't process anything else, even the pain that was ripping at his heart. He didn't even realize he stood up until Blaine reached out and grabbed his hand. "Please, Kurt. Say something."

"I uh…I have to go. I have a math test on Monday and I need to study for it. I'll see you at school." He tried to take his hand back from Blaine, and after a moment Blaine's grip loosened.

"I love you, Kurt." Kurt heard the sincerity in the words.

"I know," He said in return, already walking away. He had to force himself not to run to the car, but to take slow, even steps the entire way.

He felt like his entire body had been dipped in ice water, numb and burning at the same time. He needed to keep busy on the drive, so he reached forward and turned the heat to full blast, even though it was pushing 80 degrees outside. He was still shivering when he pulled into the Dalton campus forty five minutes later.

It was a horrible idea. Everything in him screamed for him to turn around and get the hell away from this place, but his feet had a mind of their own. They led him down familiar hallways, taking turns he had walked with Blaine only a year before, thinking there was nothing that could make him happier than the boy whose hand was entwined with his. But with each step he took he was walking further away from that happiness. He wasn't a terrified child anymore, but a confident young adult, growing in self assurance every day.

When he reached the door he wanted, he didn't bother to knock. It was unlocked, and the occupant looked disheveled, sitting on the bed with his knees tucked up watching television with a glazed expression that indicated he'd been staring at the screen for hours. It took Sebastian a minute to realize someone had barged in, but when he did he was on his feet in an instant, the haughty mask back in place.

"Blaine told you? God, I should have known he wouldn't be able to keep a secret," Sebastian's signature smirk accompanied the words. "What did he tell you? Did he tell you how he came over here and begged me to fuck him? It was a disappointment, really. He made it so easy in the end."

Kurt heard the slap and felt the pain in his hand before he even realized he had crossed the room. "You're an ass, Sebastian."

To his credit, Sebastian didn't flinch, and didn't even lift a hand to wipe away the small trickle of blood where Kurt's nails had cut him. He did have to adjust his stance to keep from falling back, but he never lost the smirk. "Did you take him back?"

"I thought you and I…God, I'm such an idiot. It was all a game, wasn't it? You made me think you didn't even want him any more. That you wanted…" Kurt didn't finish the sentence. That you wanted me. He couldn't get the image of Sebastian's hungry gaze following him when he would stand up and grab Blaine's hand, storming out after a particularly satisfying match of wits. Surely that hadn't been in his head. But obviously it had.

"You?" Sebastian crossed his arms and chuckled. Kurt felt small under the haughty gaze and for the first time since they'd met he looked away first, flushed with embarrassment at the absolute ridicule in the single word.

"Forget it." Kurt summoned every ounce of dignity he had, drawing on the stores he had used when Karofsky had bullied him and when Blaine announced he wanted Kurt's help to serenade someone else to keep his back straight and his head tall as he turned around to walk away.

Before he could move, Sebastian reached a hand out and grabbed his upper arm, anchoring him and keeping his feet still. He spun around, ready to lash out with words, only to feel lips crash against his. He was stunned at first, unable to respond. And then he lifted his free hand, the other still gripped in Sebastian's hand, to reach up and bury his fingers in the other boy's hair and press them closer together.

There was a fierce passion in this kiss that was missing in his kisses with Blaine. Neither one of them was willing to admit defeat and relinquish control. Kurt tasted blood on his lips, but he couldn't tell whose it was and he didn't care. When they were both out of breath, they separated.

The space was enough to give Kurt a moment to gather his thoughts, and he pulled away. He saw something in Sebastian's eyes that he had never seen before, but it vanished behind the mask too quickly to identify.

"I have to go." Kurt was still breathing heavy when he spoke the words. "I have to do something."

This time, he knew Sebastian's eyes were on him when he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to everyone who's reading. I love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment or like or whatever this site lets you do. xD

Kurt didn't see Sebastian again that week. He did see Blaine who waited at his locker every morning with coffee and another apology. Kurt accepted the drink and left without another word. His world had been turned upside down and he was still scrambling for a foot hold, something to ground him so he could move past this.

"I think you should forgive him." Rachel appeared at his side after he left homeroom, linking her arm with his. "He's obviously sorry, and he told me he's cut contact with Sebastian."

"He cheated on me," Kurt said, stunned he even had to explain. "I've forgiven him for a lot, but…I don't know if it's even worth it this time."

"But you're Kurt and he's Blaine. You two are the perfect couple." She tugged on his arm, forcing him to the side of the hall so people could pass. "You can't give all that up because he made a mistake. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"I can't believe you're taking his side!" He pulled away from her. "You have no right to tell me how to live my life. And trust me – if I wanted relationship advice, you wouldn't even be on my list."

"Kurt –" He held up a hand, shaking his head.

"I'm not having this conversation with you." The bell rang and Kurt took a step away from Rachel. "I'll see you on the bus this afternoon."

He didn't have the words to explain how he was feeling, and it was clear Rachel wasn't going to understand anyway. He wished desperately for Mercedes, but she was so happy now that she was back with Sam, he didn't want to intrude. He'd been that happy once with Blaine. The fact that he wasn't still shook him. He was so used to being able to count on his boyfriend to be there with an encouraging word and a kiss to make everything better. But that hadn't been the case for weeks, and now Kurt wasn't sure he even wanted it back.

Kurt didn't know what he wanted and the harder he tried to ignore the situation the heavier it weighted on his mind. His confrontation with Sebastian hadn't cleared his path at all. If anything, Sebastian's actions made his decision even harder. He wasn't stupid enough to think Sebastian's kiss was anything more than yet another move in this sick game he was playing, no matter how desperately Kurt wished it was.

And then there was Blaine. Blaine who had cheated on Kurt. Blaine who had gone after two people before realizing Kurt had been there. But it was the same Blaine who had been Kurt's first real kiss, first boyfriend, first love, first time. The same Blaine who said he loved Kurt. The same Blaine who spent the summer listening to Kurt's ideas for musicals without hanging up the phone or asking Kurt to shut up.

By the time it came to get on the bus, Kurt was no closer to a decision on what he was going to do. The choices had distracted him all day. Every time a teacher called on him he had to pull his eyes away from the doodles in his notebook and try to figure out what the teacher had been saying. Thankfully he had some classes with his friends from Glee and they were quick to whisper him the answer.

Unfortunately, he was alone in math and Mr. Yates held him up after to make sure he was okay. It wasn't until he got to the bus that he realized he didn't know who he was going to sit next to. Normally he would sit beside Blaine and spend the whole ride discussing their competition and their own song choices.

Quinn caught his glance and whispered something to Puck who groaned and slid out of the seat and went to take the empty one beside Blaine. Kurt felt himself flush and fought to keep his eyes up. Did Blaine tell everyone?

Kurt never appreciated Quinn more than he did during that bus ride. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder when he first sat down, but didn't press him to talk. Halfway there, when he turned to say something, he found himself wrapped in her arms with his head resting on her shoulder and tears he hadn't been able to cry all week falling from his eyes.

Together with Santana and Brittany, Quinn rushed him off the bus and into the bathroom at the auditorium where Regional's was being held. He'd never been particularly close to Quinn, but at that moment, she seemed to know him better than any of his friends. After setting Santana and Brittany on guard at the entrance, she turned to face him.

"You're better than him, Kurt," were the first words out of her mouth. He just nodded, trying to believe it. She must have seen the hesitation in his eyes, because she walked over to him, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him down so they were at eye level. "Say it, Kurt. You're better than him."

"I…" The words stuck on his tongue. Was he really better than Blaine? Hadn't he gone to Sebastian – the same Sebastian who had cheated with Blaine – with every intention of getting together with him. "I went to see him."

"Who?"

"Sebastian." Kurt told her everything, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, so upset that he didn't even care about the disgusting public restroom. She sat and listened to him, not judging, not interrupting. When he finished, his eyes were dry. "We're going to miss the Warblers."

She just nodded, standing up and wetting a paper towel. He took it and wiped his tear stained eyes. When he was finished, he faced her again, wrapping his arms around her one last time. "Thank you."

"I would have wanted someone to listen to me," She said. Kurt knew it wasn't an accusation, but he felt bad all the same. They had never been close, but he knew what a hard time she was having. He had been too wrapped up in himself and in Blaine to care. Her arms tightened around him one last time before letting go. "Let's go win another Regionals."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regionals happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
> Spoilers: Through 3x11.

Kurt felt like his stomach was being twisted in knots while he waited in the audience for the Warblers to take the stage. He was sitting on the edge of the aisle with Quinn to his left, but he could feel Blaine's eyes on him and it made him itch. It was wrong to make Blaine suffer, but the vindictive part of Kurt enjoyed it.

And then he heard people start singing and his gaze was drawn up to the stage where the Warblers were walking in from both sides of the stage, humming softly and building up to a crescendo. They were all facing the back, but Kurt had no problem picking out Sebastian from the group, standing taller than most of the rest and with an air of casual confidence that made Kurt clench his teeth.

Kurt was struck by the fluidity of Sebastian's body as he slunk across the stage, eyes raking the crowd for something or someone. When Kurt felt those eyes lock with his, he thought he saw a slight waver in the Warbler's step but it was covered up quickly and Kurt forgot he saw it at all.

All too soon their turn was over and the next group was taking the stage. It was time for the New Directions to head backstage and get ready. He took his time, letting the group get ahead of him and then grabbing Blaine's arm as he passed.

"We need to talk," Kurt said. He knew Blaine wanted to ask questions, but waited until Kurt led them down an empty hallway. Then the words started bursting forth, though Kurt didn't spare any energy to listen to them. They were a mix of apologies and plea's, excuses and promises.

"It was a week before our one year anniversary." Kurt said softly, silencing Blaine with his own subdued tones. He pretended like they weren't in any hurry, though he knew they had less than ten minutes before they had to go on. Quinn had caught his eye just as he took Blaine to the side and would tell everyone where he was. "You got tired of me in less than a year?"

"Kurt, please – "

Kurt raised a hand and Blaine went quiet. "I know everything you want to say, Blaine. But listen to me first, okay?"

"Fine, but – "

"That's not listening, Blaine!" Kurt tried to bite back his temper. He had decided he wasn't going to yell, but the reality was much harder. He wanted this to be dramatic, like a scene from a play written by the best Broadway had to offer. But all Kurt had were his own words and a person to say them to who couldn't be scripted at all.

"I loved you so much." Blaine opened his mouth but Kurt cut him off. "But I think…I think for a long time now it's just been about being in a relationship, more than being in a relationship with you. We're over, Blaine. I hope…I hope we can be friends eventually."

"I…I understand." Kurt watched the fight drain out of Blaine's eyes and blinked back tears. He had expected Blaine to fight for them, but he just accepted the end of their relationship passively. His tone even sounded relieved, and Kurt suddenly wanted to hit him, just to make him hurt a fraction of how bad Kurt felt.

"Have you spoken with Sebastian this week?" Kurt asked, both dreading and anticipating the answer, even though he knew what it was going to be.

"He wouldn't take my calls," Blaine admitted. Kurt felt his heart grow a little lighter, but forced himself not to acknowledge the reason. What had happened between him and Sebastian was nothing more than a terrible lapse in judgment and he shouldn't think anything more would come of it. "But I was only calling to tell him we couldn't talk anymore."

"God, Blaine. Do you think I'm an idiot?" Blaine took a step back, eyes darting from the ground up to Kurt's and back to the ground. Kurt deflated, glancing down the hall. "It's time to go get ready."

The sound of his shoes on the linoleum was satisfyingly final as he walked away from Blaine. He was proud of himself that he didn't glance back once. He didn't want to. Blaine was in his past, for now and for ever. Eventually he would be able to forgive Blaine, but right then he would have been happy to never see him again.

Rachel's eyes found his when he took his place beside Mike in their lineup, and he shook his head. She raised an eyebrow in question, but he repeated his previous action. 'Later,' he mouthed and she accepted that, turning to face the stage. Before he could stop to think, they were heading out and he only had time to remember his words and the dance moves they had practiced for weeks.

It was only through muscle memory that Kurt managed to stay standing through their routine. He turned off his brain, pushing thoughts of Sebastian and Blaine away and just existing for the now. When he left the stage, he was breathing hard and smiling, instinctively looking to Blaine and only remembering when he fell in to his stepbrother that he didn't have Blaine any more.

"Dude, we were awesome!" Finn seemed oblivious to the pain that struck Kurt, carrying him along with a hand on his shoulder as they joined the rest of the group. "We're so going to win this!"

"Of course we are," Kurt said, reaching a hand up and fixing that one piece of hair that insisted in falling in his eye no matter how much hairspray he used.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Kurt was the first one to react to that voice, spinning around as if he'd been struck until he found the speaker. The rest of his group was quick in following suit. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Brittany's hand was the only thing stopping Santana from lunging at Sebastian.

"What do you want, Sebastian?" Kurt was surprised to hear his own voice. He was even more surprised when he found himself walking towards the boy in the blazer. Sebastian smirked down at him, the same smirk that made his insides melt even as he raised his defenses.

"Oh, hello Kurt. Fancy seeing you here. Where's your boyfriend?" Kurt's fists clenched at his side and he felt color heat his cheeks.

"Blaine's not my boyfriend anymore," He said, holding his breath and trying to analyze Sebastian's reaction. There was something – that flash of emotion that told Kurt he was missing a piece of the puzzle – and then the smirk was back again.

"Pity. I hope it wasn't something I did. Well, enjoy your second place trophy." And then he was gone and Kurt was staring at empty space. He felt his heart beat slow, unaware that it had even risen.

He was spared from asking questions when the over-com asked all the groups to get on stage for the announcement of the winning team.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winner is announced and Sebastian and Kurt have another 'talk.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
> Spoilers: Up to 3x14 on a technicality.

Kurt felt tears of rage burn behind his eyes as the three teams took the stage. He couldn't believe Sebastian would rub Blaine in his face like that. Or maybe it was all too easy for him to believe. His feelings on everything were still too raw. All he knew was that no matter how many times Sebastian glanced over at New Directions, Kurt would not be looking back at him.

The announcement took a painfully long time, and Kurt was starting to sweat under the stage lights in the black outfits and gold bow ties. Finally an envelope was handed over to the announcer and opened. New Directions would be getting another chance at Nationals, and Kurt let himself be swept up in the announcement, turning and hugging Quinn who was standing beside him. As they walked off the stage as a group, he turned around and saw Sebastian in the middle of the Warblers, eyes on Kurt even as he spoke to the boys around him.

The group splintered as they got to the lobby. Everyone went to find their parents, and Kurt saw Burt and Carol standing off to the side looking for him and Finn through the crowd. He plastered on a huge smile as he made his way through the throngs of people leaving the auditorium.

"Looks like we're going to Nationals again!" He said, throwing his arms around Carol's neck. She hugged him back and his dad clapped him on the back.

"Congratulations, kiddo," Burt said. "Knew you guys would do it, though. Blaine and Rachel were awesome on the first song. Where is Blaine anyway? I haven't seen him around the house this week? You two in a fight?"

Kurt glanced around, desperate for any distraction. He didn't want to have this conversation now, not here. Thankfully Finn decided to pick that moment to come over, settling a hand on Kurt's shoulder despite Kurt's warning's not to do that anymore. Finn had wrinkled one too many outfit of Kurt's, forcing him to go through the day with an outfit that looked like it spent the last year wadded up on the floor. Right now he was just so glad for the distraction, he didn't care what Finn wrinkled.

"Dude, that was awesome! We were so on fire!" Finn was still flying high and Kurt didn't blame him. Kurt knew he should be more excited about winning than he was, but all he could remember about the past few hours were Sebastian's taunting words.

As if thoughts could conjure the devil, Sebastian walked into Kurt's line of sight. A spur of the moment decision, he excused himself from listening to Finn gush about their performance, complete with a reenactment of some of the harder dance steps, and took off after Sebastian. It was easy to keep Sebastian in sight as he wove through the crowd, the tallest Warbler commanded attention no matter what the venue. When he got to the place he was sure Sebastian had been standing a moment before, he felt a hand close around his arm and drag him sideways into an empty room.

"Looking for me, Kurt?" Sebastian was leaning against the door, blocking the exit. Kurt drew himself up to his full height and did his best not to look terrified.

"You're the one who dragged me into this closet," Kurt countered, placing one hand on his hip and jutting it out just as he stuck his jaw out.

"Fair enough," Sebastian admitted with a half smile patronizing, as if he found Kurt adorable and not to be taken seriously. "So you're not with Blaine anymore? Any reason for the sudden split?"

"As if you don't know. I find you repulsive, Smythe." Kurt said. "Ever since you first showed up in Lima with your slimy grin and greasy hair, just the sight of you makes me sick. So let me out of this room."

"Ouch," Sebastian didn't even look phased. "So you do still have claws. I didn't seem to make you so sick when you came to my bedroom in the middle of the night and all but attacked me."

"You're the one who kissed me," Kurt hissed, cheeks flushing at the memory. He wished he knew what game Sebastian was playing so he could prepare himself, but the rules were out of his reach. "Why did you do that?"

"The same reason I do anything – because I wanted to." Sebastian leaned forward, eyes narrowing. Kurt's eyes went between his eyes and his lips, unable to keep himself from remembering that kiss. And then Sebastian's lips were on his and he couldn't remember who closed the distance between them but it didn't matter.

This kiss was just as rough as the first with Sebastian's hand reaching up and grabbing a handful of Kurt's hair and yanking his head back. Then he felt lips on his neck, hot and desperate. A small click indicated Sebastian locked the door a moment before Kurt felt himself pushed back. His back slammed into the wall and he hooked a leg over Sebastian's hip as their lips met again.

No longer surprised, it was Kurt's turn to fight back. With deft fingers he unbuttoned the Dalton blazer and pushed it off thin shoulders. He wasted no time with the tie, knowing it wouldn't be in his way. When his hands went to unbutton Sebastian's shirt, he was surprised to find hands pushing his down. Not backing down now, he undid the button and zipper of the dress pants, cupping Sebastian through the fabric and providing a source of friction that Sebastian bucked against.

"Fuck," Sebastian threw his head back at Kurt's touch and Kurt felt a thrill rush to his own groin at the sound. He slid his hand into the pants, feeling precum staining the Warbler's underwear. Sebastian was bigger than Blaine, something that excited Kurt.

"Is someone in there?" Kurt's senses came back to him as quickly as if someone had dumped ice water over his head. He leapt away from Sebastian as if struck, slipping his suspender over his shoulder and wiping his hand off on the bottom of his pants. Rachel knocked again and Kurt opened the door just enough that he could see her but she couldn't see in the room.

"Your dad's looking for you…Is someone in there with you?" He chuckled nervously, standing taller to block her weaving head as she tried to get past him.

"Of course not," He said, slipping out and closing the door. "I was just…Peace and quiet. Uh…You know…Because…Oh!

She gave him a funny look and he tried to look innocent. "You're hair is a mess."

"I was lying down uh… Blaine and I broke up!" He hadn't intended the words to sound to enthusiastic, but he was pleased he'd come up with something that would distract her. He reached his hand up, pressing his hair down and hoping it didn't look too terrible.

Sure enough, his words did get her to change the subject. She apologized for her earlier tirade, agreeing with his decision to end the relationship. He turned around in time to see a put together Sebastian slip out and head the other direction. "We're having a girl's night, okay? Quinn and Mercedes and Tina will come for sure. I'll send my dads out for ice cream and popcorn and we can watch Barbara and Patti and Judy all weekend."

He let her lead him through the lobby and onto the bus. His eyes were busy scanning faces, but he didn't see even a trace of a Warbler jacket, let alone the one he was looking for. He still had no idea what was going on, but as soon as he could get away, he was determined to confront Sebastian – preferably with a wall between them – and figure it out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's dads give good advice, and Kurt sets some ground rules for Sebastian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Rating increases to NC-17 for this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

In the end, all the girls in New Directions piled into Rachel's house except Mercedes, who was going out with Sam but promised to come join the party after their date. Everyone knew about Blaine, or at least some version of what happened. It was the question on the tip of everyone's tongue, but whenever someone even touched near the subject, Quinn would change it. Kurt made sure to give her an appreciate look each time. He knew he would have to talk about it eventually, but he was grateful for the extra time.

He was so distracted trying not to seem distracted that before he realized it, Barbara Streisand was singing 'My Man' and Rachel was not-so-subtly mouthing along with tears streaming down her face. Even Santana had tears shining in her eyes, though she blinked them away even as Kurt looked back at her. Kurt's thoughts had been racing during the whole movie, and not about Fanny and Nicky or even about Blaine.

They spent the rest of the night giving each other manicures and pedicures, though Kurt refused to let Brittany paint his pink and opted instead for his usual clear even over Santana's threatening glances. They talked about everything except Blaine. After several awkward silences when someone started to talk about Kurt's ex, he finally broke down.

"You realize that by avoiding talking about him, you just make it worse, right?" Everyone stopped talking and looked at him. He took a breath and capped the bottle of nail polish he'd just finished applying to Quinn's hand. "He cheated on me. He apologized. I broke up with him."

The conversation flowed better after that. Kurt, finished with Quinn, sat back against the headboard of Rachel's bed and let their words flow around him. He had nothing to contribute, and around midnight he started drifting off. Someone put a blanket on him and then he finally fell asleep.

Everyone was still sleeping when he woke up the next morning. No one had moved him from Rachel's bed. He had to navigate carefully not to step on any of his sleeping friends as he made his way out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

"Good morning, Kurt." He startled at the voice sounding behind him as he walked in the kitchen. "Having a good time with the girls?"

"Hi, Mr. Berry," Kurt said, filling a glass with water and taking a seat at the small table in the breakfast nook across from Hiram. He likes Rachel Berry's dad's, but all of a sudden it hits him that he and Blaine will never have what Hiram and Leroy Berry do. He'd always just assumed, seeing Mr. and Mr. Berry together, that that's what the future held for him and Blaine.

"Is something wrong? I thought you guys would be ecstatic about winning yesterday. Your movie marathon sounded more Moulin Rouge than Dreamgirls."

"We are. They were just being supportive – Blaine and I broke up yesterday." He was surprised at how easy the words came out. He thought it should have been harder to admit that the relationship he'd expected to last forever had come to an all-too-abrupt end.

"Well, you were too good for him anyway," Hiram said, making Kurt smile even if he didn't quite believe the words. He knew that all of Blaine's friends would be saying the same thing to him right now. That thought led to the Warblers and that lead directly to the one person he was trying to forget. Thankfully, Rachel's other dad walked in at that moment and Hiram looked up at him. "Isn't he, Leroy?"

"Absolutely. What did I just agree to?" He leaned down and kissed his partner and Kurt wished he and Blaine had had that kind of a relationship. Even alone, Blaine acted as if people were watching. Kurt understood what he'd been through, and never let it bother him. Still, it would have been nice…

"That Kurt's too good for what's-his-name." Kurt appreciated the effort they were making, and smiled along. As soon as he could, he excused himself. For the first time since arriving at Rachel's house, he pulled out his phone. He had eight missed texts, to his great surprise. Six were from Blaine, all asking for Kurt to call and at least talk. He deleted those without a second glance. One was from Mercedes, saying she wouldn't be able to make it until Saturday. The last was from a number he didn't recognize.

I have something of yours. Come by Dalton this weekend to pick it up.

Kurt let his fingers hover over the delete button but couldn't make himself press it. He wanted to be stronger. He didn't want to remember the feeling of the wall against his back or a warm mouth against his neck. Even the thought made him shiver. It required forced breaths and thoughts of that time he walked in on Rachel shirtless to make him calm down.

In the end, he hit reply. He hated himself afterwards, but texted that he was on his way and would be there in an hour. All that left was making an excuse to the girls. He needed to come up with something, and he was wracking his brain all the way up the stairs. Part of him was hoping everyone would still be asleep, but when he opened the bedroom door Quinn and Rachel were both awake, whispering to each other. They stopped as soon as he walked in the door and he wondered what all the secrecy was about.

"Oh, hello Kurt," Quinn said with a smile. Rachel echoed the greeting. "Is something wrong?"

"I promised my dad I would pick up a part for him in Columbus today." It was the first lie that came to mind, but thankfully neither of them pressed him for more details. After securing a promise that he would be back as soon as his errand was done, they let him go. He ignored Quinn's questioning look that followed him out the door.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Walking through the halls of Dalton reminded him of a similar time last weekend. God, had it only been a week? The time seemed stretched out in Kurt's head, morphing and twisting so that it seemed closer to eternity than seven days. His whole world had been turned upside down over the past week. Blaine, the love of his life, was now gone from his life. Sebastian, the devil incarnate, had somehow weaseled a way into his life, even if Kurt wasn't sure exactly in what form.

With each step he took, his resolve strengthened. He wouldn't be some…some sex object for Sebastian. There wouldn't be any more impromptu make-out sessions leaving him out of breath and searching for meaning in every word. Sebastian was good, but no one would get the best of Kurt Hummel. With that thought firm in his mind, he knocked on Sebastian's door and didn't have to wait more than ten seconds for it to open.

"Kurt." There was something comforting in the arrogance that dripped off the single syllable as Kurt walked in the room. This was the Sebastian he knew. This was a Sebastian he could deal with.

"You have something of mine?" Kurt asked, stopping inside the room but not until he was out of Sebastian's range. It had only taken him a few minutes after the text to realize his Regionals bowtie was missing – something he was surprised no one had pointed out, but then again they had been Blaine's idea so it was probably just rationalized that Kurt had taken it off so he wouldn't be reminded of his ex. Sure enough, Sebastian opened his hand to reveal a flash of gold fabric. Before Kurt could take it back, the hand closed.

"Not so fast," Sebastian said. "I think we need to have a little chat first, hmm?" Sebastian walked over to the desk, leaning back and resting against it without ever losing composure.

"I have nothing to say to you," Kurt retorted. "What happened yesterday was a mistake. I was emotionally unstable. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I have no intention of touching you again with a ten foot pole."

"Really?" Sebastian asked, standing up and taking a step towards Kurt so quickly there was no time to react. Being in such close proximity to Sebastian made Kurt's breath hitch, a catch in the back of his throat that made it hard to get oxygen to his brain.

He wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly he felt lips on his drawing out that same fire that had ignited his body the day before. All resolve to stay away flew out the window as Sebastian's tongue ran across his lips, demanding access. There was no room in Kurt's head for anything but the way Sebastian's body felt pressed against his, heat radiating between them even through the clothes.

It was still a bad idea. He knew that even if the thought was discarded as soon as he felt hands settle on his hips. The hands pulled him closer until he could no longer tell where Kurt ended and Sebastian began. His own hands found their way to Sebastian's shoulders, holding on as if it was the only thing keeping him standing.

Even breathing no longer seemed important. Every time their lips parted, they were drawn back together as if magnetized. He was drowning in the taste of Sebastian's kiss, the pressure of nails digging in to his hip, of bodies pressed close and moving together.

The kiss lasted eternity and was only interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone. Kurt saw the caller id long enough to recognize Blaine's number as the one calling. All passion was extinguished and the feeling of self loathing consumed him instead. Sebastian turned the phone off, tossing it on the floor across the room but when he moved closer to Kurt, Kurt held up a hand to stop him.

"What is this?" He asked. Even though he knew what the answer would be, he still held his breath.

"Whatever you want," Sebastian said, voice husky and eyes dark with lust. It took everything in Kurt not to give in, not to tilt his head up and plunge back in to that kiss.

"Sex," Kurt said, his voice surprising even him. He took advantage of Sebastian's surprise to continue the new idea forming in his head. "I still hate you and you still hate me and neither of us wants a relationship. No feelings, just sex."

Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, but Kurt didn't want to hear it. This time he was sure it was him who initiated the kiss, though Sebastian responded just a moment after. He felt a hand reach up and pull him even as Sebastian started walking backwards. He didn't resist, allowing himself to be pushed down so he was sitting on the bed.

It wasn't until Sebastian's nimble fingers were working at his belt that he finally started to realize what he had just got himself into. He wasn't the type of person who engaged in casual sex. He'd been with Blaine for a long time before even discussing the subject didn't make him turn bright red and bury his face in the nearest pillow. And even when they did decide to take that next step in their relationship, he had been so nervous he didn't think his hands would stop shaking.

But then his erection was free and Sebastian's mouth was on it and all his inhibitions vanished. He and Blaine had given each other hand jobs, but nothing prepared him for this. He would have come immediately, but Sebastian seemed to sense that and slowed, drawing back and licking up the base. Kurt felt a shudder go through his body, so close to the edge and trying to hard not to go over.

He was so focused on lasting longer that he didn't even realize Sebastian had stopped until he felt a weight settle over him, lips sucking at the tender skin of his neck sending waves of pleasure through him. There was no question that Sebastian was in control. Even if he'd wanted to, Kurt wouldn't have been able to fight it. Instead he surrendered, arching his back as Sebastian inserted first one finger, coated in lube that Kurt hadn't even seen Sebastian pull out, and then another into him.

It was painful at first, but Sebastian knew what he was doing. There was no fumbling around like with Blaine. Sebastian knew exactly how to crook his finger to make Kurt moan, a string of curses and sounds that were silenced with lips.

Sebastian was gentle at first, going slowly until Kurt expanded to accommodate him. Kurt did take control then, thrusting his hips to increase the tempo. He wrapped his legs around Sebastian's waist, driving him in further with each thrust. They moved together perfectly, a give and take of pleasure that Kurt wanted to last forever but that he could feel was nearing an end.

Kurt came first, and several thrusts later and Sebastian followed, neither bothering to be quiet. For that moment, the pleasure erased all thoughts of thin walls between the bedrooms and it was only the shared ecstasy that mattered.

Sebastian pulled off, falling beside Kurt with one arm still draped over the other boy. Their breath came in ragged gasps, eventually slowing to slow, shallow breaths of complete relaxation. Kurt knew he needed to leave, knew that to stay any longer would be an indication of intimacy or commitment that would make Sebastian end this agreement.

He looked over but the other boy's eyes were closed and, if the way his hand fell back to the mattress as Kurt moved out from under it was any indication, he was fast asleep. Kurt walked into the bathroom, cleaning himself of both of their come and dressing quietly. He let himself linger in the doorway, a small smile on his lips as he watched Sebastian for a moment before slipping outside and closing the door with a quiet click behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kurt is confused and Sebastian wants to talk and nothing actually happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> A/N: So this is the last chapter I have already completed but I'm working on the next and will (maybe) arrange regular updates but since my internet access is sporadic at best and nonexistent most of the time, we'll see how that happens.

It was surprisingly easy to lie to his friends which would have been upsetting under normal circumstance, but in the past week his whole center of gravity had changed. Quinn's look when he got back to Rachel's was questioning, but he shrugged it off and made sure never to be left alone with her. But even while his friends laughed around him, he found his thoughts drifting away from the conversation more often than not.

All too often his thoughts were of that infuriating smirk floating above him, unguarded in a way that made his breath catch even in the memory. Then his smile would sober when he imagined that smirk turned to someone else. He wondered if that smirk was the reason Blaine had been swayed and then disgust and loathing - directed equally at himself and his exboyfriend and the boy who had taken permanent residence in his mind – consumed him and his mood turned dark.

To make matters worse, every few minutes his phone would flash with a new message. He hated the sick feeling that crept into his gut when he saw it was Blaine and not Sebastian texting him. Obviously casual sex was going to be harder than he thought. He was a romantic, that was obvious. He wanted to whole picture: the dates, holding hands, talking on the phone all night.

There was no way Sebastian could be that boy, though. Time and time again Sebastian made it clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Kurt didn't know if he wanted that with Sebastian anyway. His thoughts were impossible when it came to his enemy – former enemy? He wasn't even sure about that any more.

When everyone was settling down for bed, early because Rachel insisted that if she didn't get her 8 hours two nights in a row her skin would break out, he slipped out to the front porch with his phone. He glanced over his shoulder, making sure no one was following him before dialing the number he didn't even realize he had memorized. It rang once, twice – He hung up, struck by the stupidity of what he was doing. Before he could even turn back to the house his ring tone broke the silence.

"Crap…Uh, I mean, hello." His face heated even though the other person couldn't hear him. The familiar chuckle that greeted his greeting made his blood boil and he scowled.

"Miss me already, Hummel?" Sebastian sounded smug and Kurt made a half hiss, half growl sound low in his throat.

"Don't flatter yourself," He said, voice surprisingly steady. "I dialed the wrong number."

"At ten o' clock at night?" Kurt closed his eyes and it was so easy to picture Sebastian's face, eyebrow raised in an expression that said he knew Kurt was lying.

"Yes. Now goodbye…" His finger was hovering over the 'end call' button when Sebastian spoke again.

"Wait!" Kurt held the phone to his ear, not saying anything but not disconnecting the call yet. He wanted to hear what Sebastian had to say. The silence dragged on and Kurt began to wonder if Sebastian had hung up but every so often some piece of background noise would bleed through the connection and he'd know that the other boy was still there.

Several times he opened his mouth to say something, but each time he closed it. He didn't know what to say but he was terrified to ruin the fragile balance of this thing they seemed to have started. In the end, he heard a click and knew Sebastian was gone.

xxxx

"We need to talk, Kurt." The hitch in his breath and the way his hands were tightening their hold in Kurt's hair all conspired against the forced composure in his voice. Kurt leaned in to capture Sebastian's lips but met only air.

"What?" Kurt asked, frustrated that Sebastian chose now to voice a complaint. "Do you want to stop this?" He felt his heart race as he waited for an answer and convinced himself he would only miss their physical relationship. Even now, Sebastian's hand resting casually on his hip, thumb tracing circles absently, was a spot of warmth that Kurt never wanted to be without.

"No. I –" Kurt let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding at those words.

"Then it can wait." He saw the hesitation in Sebastian's eyes and leaned in again, eyes locked until their lips met. The response was instant and all hesitation was gone as Sebastian pressed back, leading Kurt backwards to the bed.

Their arrangement had been going on for almost three weeks and Kurt was no longer shy about sex. The way Sebastian's eyes dilated as they scanned his body, hungry and excited and turned on and just a little bit scared, never failed to elicit some response in Kurt; usually a moan that would have him turning bright red under normal circumstances.

That moan escaped from his lips when Sebastian's hand glided from hip to shoulder, tracing his spine with feather light touches and hooking his shirt up over his head, breaking the kiss only long enough to remove the offending fabric. Kurt never wore layers when he went to see Sebastian, finding out quickly that they only delayed the feeling of skin on skin contact that made him feel light headed with the desire it lit in him.

Sebastian's clothes were gone almost as quickly, and then it was just the two of them, fused at every point possible and moving together in a way that Kurt never knew possible. For all that they fought with words, their bodies fit like pieces of a puzzle. Kurt's head fell back as Sebastian found exactly the right spot almost immediately, the pleasure coming in waves that reduced Kurt to a quivering mass.

And when it was Kurt's turn to reciprocate, his hands seemed to move of their own accord, tracing the already well-known planes of a body that writhed under him. He didn't think he would ever get tired of the way Sebastian looked, lips parted and breath coming in harsh gasps. He was completely unguarded, the antithesis of the boy Kurt met in the Lima Bean. Sometimes, Kurt thought he might be able to fall for that boy. That thought was dangerous and quickly shoved down the moment it rose, lost in the sight and smell and feel of Sebastian.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> A/N: This is the same ending chapter as before, however I've decided to make this a series and this is the first in the series. Look for the first chapter of the next part next week.

Time passed, but Kurt hardly noticed. As each tick of the clock put him closer to graduation and New York, his excitement and dread rose in frightening levels and he found he had no one to confide in. Blaine was still trying to win him back, even staying at McKinley after Kurt begged him to return to Dalton. Rachel and Finn had each other and their upcoming marriage, which as far as Kurt could tell was still set to happen. He had grown closer to Quinn, but after her accident, he couldn’t burden her with his own problems. And Mercedes and Sam were ensconced in their world, leaving Kurt with only his thoughts for company.

His thoughts and Sebastian. Several times he had gone to his trysts with Sebastian with the intent to end it, but he was never strong enough. After the first few months it was easy to shove any and all feelings he might have felt aside. When he thought he might be able to love Sebastian, he imagined Sebastian and Blaine together. The image no longer pained him, but it gave him the strength to distance himself from his feelings long enough to remember his goal.

It was only the thought that once in New York, he would be free to move on with his life that kept him going through the days. His passion for performing was waning when time after time he was passed over for solos in favor of Finn or Blaine or even, on occasion, Mike. He didn’t begrudge them their successes, but it stung. Every time, without fail, he found himself making the drive to Dalton and seeking comfort in the one place he knew he still could.

“They’re idiots,” Sebastian always said, hand sliding under Kurt’s shirt and pushing it up over his shoulder. Kurt shut him up with a kiss, pulling him forward and falling on his back on the bed. Kurt threw his head back when Sebastian’s mouth trailed from his to his neck, tracing patterns with his tongue, punctuated by little nips of his teeth that made Kurt’s insides writhe.

It had been just over a week and a half since the last time Kurt had driven there and Sebastian had kicked his roommate out the moment Kurt walked through the door, just as he did every time Kurt came by. When Sebastian opened his mouth to say something else, Kurt quieted him with a finger pressed against his lips. No more words were exchanged.

There were things Kurt missed about having a boyfriend. He missed the company; knowing he could call any time and have someone to listen to him without judging or just sit in silent camaraderie. He missed the coffee dates and dinner dates and lunch dates and just-because-we-can dates that he and Blaine used to take. He missed the physical intimacy of having someone’s hand to hold or the ability to lean over and kiss just because they could. Eventually the desire for those things faded too as acceptance settled in. He convinced himself he was happy with the way things were. Sebastian never told him no and he never denied Sebastian the few times the Warbler had called, asking him to come. 

And still, people noticed a change in his attitude. His dad approached him several times after learning about his and Blaine’s break up. He offered to take Kurt up on those cooking lessons again, but Kurt just smiled fondly and said that it would probably be best if he let Kurt, or Carol, handle things in the kitchen from now on, citing the incident with the eggs and the ceiling. 

Carol also noticed the more subtle changes in Kurt. She saw the way he no longer went all out for school performances, letting other people handle the costume designing or choreography when once he had insisted on being included in all aspects of their shows. He appreciated her efforts to draw him in to conversation, but in the end she wasn’t his family and, while he was grateful to her for being so good for his dad, he couldn’t talk to her as if she was his mother. 

But the person who noticed it most never said a word. He tried, but Kurt was the most successful and shutting him up with kisses and touches and even just a glance. Because the last thing he wanted was Sebastian’s pity. They had sex, but Sebastian didn’t know him. Aside from the few disappointments Kurt confided in him, he knew nothing about Kurt’s life. When Kurt got the rejection letter from NYADA, it was hidden away in a drawer and never spoken of. When some of the jocks decided to lock Kurt in a locker – something that hadn’t happened since glee started but now was becoming all the more frequent since the guys in New Directions had been distracted by their own lives – Kurt insisted on keeping his shirt on so Sebastian wouldn’t be able to see and ask questions. Sebastian had no idea what Kurt’s life was like, and Kurt ignored the part of himself that insisted it was Kurt’s own fault. 

Graduation was a happy affair and Kurt couldn’t help but be drawn up into the celebrations. They’d won Nationals and even though he hadn’t gotten in to NYADA’s performance program, he had been accepted in their costume design program which was just as good, he tried to convince himself. Both he and Rachel had elected to start in the summer term; get their gen ed requirements out of the way right up front so they could start on the rest of their lives. And that meant he only had one week of summer break before getting on the train to New York. 

“Where are you going, Kurt?” Caught with his hand on the door knob, he did his best not to look guilty when he turned around to face Quinn. She was the only one who knew – or guessed, since he never actually told her – where he went when he snuck away. “You aren’t still seeing Sebastian.” 

“I’m ending it tonight,” he said. And he was. He was leaving in a few short days and Sebastian…well, he didn’t really know what Sebastian was going to do after high school. He knew that Dalton’s graduation was the day he left for New York, but aside from that, he knew nothing of Sebastian’s plans. All he needed to know was that this distraction would never work with any significant amount of distance between them and Kurt didn’t want anything holding him back from finding a boyfriend in New York. 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Quinn said, looking at him in a way that made him squirm. It felt as if she could see his thoughts and divine a meaning from them that eluded him. She gave him a tight lipped smile before turning around and heading back to the room where the rest of New Directions was celebrating the freedom of their oldest members.

The drive to Dalton was slow, but Kurt was used to it. He knew every turn and twist of the road, the best short cuts to take depending on the time of day and the spots where the police would be sitting to catch anyone speeding. His radio blasted some classic rock song that he knew the words to and sang along absently, finger tapping the beat on his steering wheel.  
It was only five in the afternoon so the dorm rooms at Dalton would be busy, but he also knew the best routes to take to avoid any Warblers. Sebastian wasn’t in his room when Kurt got there, but his roommate was and he recognized Kurt and let him in to wait. He didn’t have to wait long before the door opened and Sebastian walked in, dropping his bag in the doorway and smoothing his hair back before noticing Kurt.

“Did I know you were coming?” Sebastian asked, one eyebrow raised but no other sign of surprise on his face. His roommate took the hint, gathering books with a sigh and leaving, but Kurt hardly noticed. Sebastian’s movements were lithe and graceful, like a cat’s, and just as hypnotizing. And even though Kurt fully intended to end it, he determined that they should enjoy each other’s company one last time.

As if sensing the melancholy mood, Sebastian’s kiss was almost gentle, lacking the hungry fierceness that colored most of their interactions. Kurt responded in kind, lifting a hand to cup Sebastian’s face and letting himself pretend for a moment that this could last forever. He knew Sebastian’s taste and took pleasure in exploring it. When they fell onto the bed, Kurt’s hands rode up under Sebastian’s shirt, tracing every dip of his body and mapping it, cementing it in his mind. 

His mouth followed his hands, pressing gentle kisses down Sebastian’s body. He was in no hurry for this to end, and Sebastian was in tune with him, arching in to each touch and letting out a soft moan when Kurt reached a particularly sensitive area. Again, Kurt let himself pretend that he could spend the rest of his life learning about how to make the body under him react, all the while knowing the clock was ticking to an end. 

“Fuck, Kurt. Hurry up already,” Sebastian growled, hands fisting in Kurt’s hair and pulling him roughly up, capturing his mouth in a kiss and flipping them so he could take control. Kurt let him, relishing in the mixed pain and pleasure as Sebastian bit his lip, apologizing in the next breath. One of Sebastian’s hands left it’s spot on Kurt’s hip and a moment later he heard a bottle open and then the hand was back, this time curling around Kurt and moving against the rhythm of his bucking hips. 

The warmth of his hand left and Kurt bit his lip in frustration, knowing that Sebastian was just as impatient as him and that he wouldn’t have to wait long. He wasn’t able to stop the sharp breath when he felt Sebastian’s finger circle his hole before sliding one finger in. The burn was faint, but increased when a second finger was added. And then Sebastian crooked it and pleasure exploded and he could almost finish from that and the way Sebastian’s eyes were locked with his. And then a third finger was added and the pain brought him down from the edge for a moment. 

“R…ready. I’m ready,” Kurt said. It took Sebastian a few seconds to put on a foil and then he was inside Kurt, moving slowly to allow Kurt time to adjust. They built up a harsh tempo, moving together perfectly. Kurt lifted a leg, wrapping it around Sebastian’s waist and pressing him in deeper. They came together in wordless shouts of pleasure.

Kurt lay back, sliding over slightly so Sebastian could fall beside him on the twin sized bed and even still they were touching a several points. Those points seemed to radiate warmth and Kurt focused on them to the exclusion of all else until his breathing was slowed and his heart was no longer threatening to jump out of his chest. He lay still for several moments longer, closing his eyes and trying to steal himself for what he had to do next.

“We need to talk,” he said, hating the way the words made Sebastian withdraw, sliding over so they were no longer touching anywhere. Kurt resisted the urge to reach over. Instead he turned and sat on the edge for a moment before standing. “Let’s clean up first.”

He walked in to the bathroom, opting for a full shower. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t because he wanted to delay any longer than necessary, but even he knew that was a lie. The warm water felt good on his sore body and he scrubbed himself clean using Sebastian’s soap, a warm blend that Kurt could never quite place but that he could spend hours trying to figure out. When he slipped out, Sebastian walked in, locking the door.

Eventually, Sebastian came out, wrapped in a towel and nothing else. Kurt tried not to let his eyes drift down, but he couldn’t stop himself from drinking in every detail. He had to remind himself that he knew nothing about Sebastian and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t like it. 

“I’m leaving next Saturday,” Kurt said. He didn’t know how to talk to Sebastian anymore. Their snarky banter seemed wrong in this situation. For some reason, it felt like he was breaking up with Sebastian. “So we’re finished. I guess…thank you.” 

Sebastian’s expression hardened under Kurt’s gaze, and he felt as if he was looking at a stranger. Kurt waited several minutes, but no one broke the silence and Sebastian’s expression never changed. Before he could say something he would regret later, before he could apologize and ask Sebastian for something he could never give, he stood up and left, footsteps echoing in the hall loud enough to deafen him. He didn’t cry until he got to his car.


End file.
